I have seen few things funnier lately than the "empire on ice" sequence on Robot Chicken, Seth Green's stop-motion-with-action-figures comedy series. The series has a tradition of doing annual Star Wars skits, but the best sequence by light years is the all-singing, all-skating climax of the first special.
It was a good giggle, then, until I read that a Star Wars musical is coming to the 02 Arena next April.
The mind truly boggles with the possibilities: could we really see a Close Every Door-style ballad as Luke hits his lowest ebb after the revelation that Vader is his father? Or an ailing Padme Amidala lamenting Don't Cry for Me, Naboo before dying in childbirth? (Don't Cry for Me, Tatooine sounds more poetic, but one must respect the text.) The destruction of the Death Star could use some fantastic wire work, and it could all end in a Bugsy Malone-style chorus line where everyone makes friends. Heck, in this format, they might even find a way for the Ewoks to be something other than a hideous annoyance.
A biblical tale of the battle between good and evil, tempered with familial struggle, romantic frustration and religious fundamentalism, the Star Wars saga is actually so perfect for a musical reimagining that it's a wonder that nobody thought of it before. With his sci-fi action hero props already proven, The Barrowman has to be a shoo-in to play Han Solo. Jonathan Pryce would make a fine Ben Kenobi, and for Lord Vader I'm thinking David Essex or, at a push, Tommy Steele. There can't be many singing and dancing twins to play Luke and Leia, so while the prospect of Same Difference in the roles is compelling, I think we all realise this calls for an Andrew Lloyd Webber talent search. Ray Quinn, obviously, plays Boba Fett.
After all that potential excitement, I was a bit sad to read the full story and discover that this isn't going to happen at all. Star Wars: a Musical Journey is actually going to be rather tasteful. All six movies are being boiled down into some kind of a big-screen megamix, which will be accompanied by the Royal Philharmonic playing a live, reworked version of John Williams' original film score. Spencer Churchill is producing the show for Another Planet in conjunction with LucasFilm. It will see 86 musicians perform in front of a 27-metre video screen, with the footage condensed into a 90-minute edit that will somehow fit in the entire saga.
It all seems rather inevitable. Between Indiana Jones and the long, long goodbye of the Star Wars saga, George Lucas seems determined never to have another new idea. With six live action movies, an animated film, an animated series in the works, and the multitude of videogames and comic books, the Star Wars universe – like the real one – is ever expanding. The real surprise then is that it took Lucas so long to get the idea together or, in this case, rubber-stamp it.
So does it really need to happen at all? Notwithstanding the jolt of the visuals suddenly reverting to 1970s production values halfway through one sitting, is there going to be an audience for this? There was a successful Doctor Who concert following much the same format at this year's BBC Proms (you can watch it on TV on New Year's Day), but Who is a modern-day family hit. Star Wars is a far bigger cultural phenomenon and more likely the preserve of a certain type of fanboy who wouldn't normally be seen at classical concerts. Does a score so perfect in its original context really need to be reapplied to an edit of all 13 hours of film? And are the producers operating on the Dark Side?
