Tim Lewis 

The 10 best personal trainers in film and television

Need to shape up after Christmas excesses? Here are some of the finest coaches in their respective sporting fields
  
  


Ten best: Karate kid
Kesuke Miyagi
The Karate Kid (1984)
“Wax on, right hand. Wax off, left hand,” explains Kesuke “Mr” Miyagi (Pat Morita) to his protege Daniel (Ralph Macchio) as they stand by his 1948 Ford Super DeLuxe Club convertible. “Breathe in through nose, out the mouth. Wax on, wax off. Don’t forget to breathe, very important.” The best personal trainers do more than prepare your body; they are mentors, healers and teachers. Mr Miyagi’s methods are unusual – washing cars, sanding floors, catching flies with chopsticks – but it all comes together for the All Valley karate tournament.
Photograph: Cinetex/Allstar
Ten best: Dodgeball : A True Underdog Story
White Goodman
Dodgeball (2004)
As the face (and pecs) of Globo Gym, Goodman (Ben Stiller) practises extreme self-denial. In 'private reflection periods', he can be found in his office standing in front of a doughnut, sending extreme voltages through his own nipples when he is tempted to take a mouthful. Behind him is a realistic painting of him wrestling a bull by the horns. 'It’s a metaphor,' he explains. He swears by explosive sessions of dodgeball, plastic surgery and a discreet groin pouch you can pump air into. He can turn anyone from a 'Frankenstein… into a Franken-fine!'
Photograph: Everett/Rex Features
Ten best: Burn After Reading
Chad Feldheimer
Burn After Reading (2008)
Chad (Brad Pitt), a personal trainer at Hardbodies, and his colleague Linda (Frances McDormand) find a disc of 'secret CIA shit' in the locker room. They decide to blackmail the owner, to pay for Linda’s plastic surgery, but get into problems, mainly because their IQs are lower than their heart rates. Chad is typically found in headphones sucking on a Gatorade bottle, preening his blond faux-hawk. The gym scenes are so realistic that when the Coen brothers' film was being shot in New Jersey, locals came in to ask about membership.
Photograph: Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar
Ten best: Chariots Of Fire
Sam Mussabini
Chariots of Fire (1981)
In the days when athletics coaches were little more than masseurs, Scipio Africanus Mussabini – sadly reduced to 'Sam' – turned it into a science. He studied Eadweard Muybridge’s work with horses and it’s said he even gave his charges strychnine for extra pep. In this dramatisation of his association with Harold Abrahams, the sprinter is accused of 'playing the tradesman' by employing a professional coach and Mussabini (Ian Holm) is not even allowed in the stadium for the 1924 Olympics as Abrahams storms to victory in the 100m.
Photograph: Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar
Ten best: Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back
Yoda
Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Long before those Vodafone adverts, the wrinkly green guy was the best in the business. Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) is sent by Obi-Wan Kenobi to Dagobah, where Yoda lives in exile. At 66cm tall and more than 900 years old, Yoda tends to emphasise mental strength over physical power. Still, a typical training session might involve a run around the swamp – carrying him on your back – or one-armed handstands, with him perched on your foot, tossing out words of wisdom: 'Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.'
Photograph: Public Domain
Ten best: Rocky
Mickey Goldmill
Rocky (1976)
The diminutive proprietor of Mighty Mick’s Boxing in Philadelphia guides heavyweight Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) through his first three films. Mickey’s speeches are inspiring, but it is his unusual training methods that really catch the eye, such as chasing after chickens and beating up slabs of beef. The character (played by Burgess Meredith) is said to be based on Rocky Marciano’s real-life trainer, Charley Goldman. Both were Jewish and former bantamweights, though only one of them said: 'You’re gonna eat lightning and you’re gonna crap thunder!'
Photograph: Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar
Ten best: The Games (1970)
Bill Oliver
The Games (1970)
Michael Winner’s underappreciated film tells the story of four marathon runners preparing for the Rome Olympics. There’s a dashing American (Ryan O’Neal), a Czech (French crooner Charles Aznavour, who had to strip to his underpants to win the part) and an Aborigine (Athol Compton). The British hope (Michael Crawford, playing a prototype Frank Spencer) is an ungainly milkman knocked into shape by Oliver (Stanley Baker). A former army man, the obsessive coach sends his charge relentlessly up one brutal hill in their demented training sessions.
Photograph: PR
Ten best: The Color Of Money
Fast Eddie Felson
The Color of Money (1986)
'Fast' Eddie Felson (Paul Newman) is a pool hustler and liquor salesman but mostly he is 'a student of human moves'. Twenty-five years after The Hustler, he spots Vincent (Tom Cruise) playing nine-ball in a bar and decides he might have the potential to make serious money. He just needs to smooth off the edges. 'You couldn’t find the big time if you had a road map,' Fast Eddie tells him. 'Pool excellence is not about excellent pool.' With his new mentor, Vincent sets his sights on a pro tournament in Atlantic City. Check out a cameo by Iggy Pop along the way.
Photograph: Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar
Ten best: South Park
Stan Marsh
South Park (2006)
Forced to do community service because of parking tickets on his bike, Stan ends up coaching the Park County Pee Wee ice hockey team. He is initially out of his depth: Nelson, one of the players, has leukaemia and asks his new coach to inspire the team to win a game for him. They draw their first match 0-0 against local rivals Adams County, but then (long story) get paired against the professional team Detroit Red Wings. The kids are slammed into the boards, hit in the face with the puck and repeatedly punched by the pros. 'I hate you, coach,' says one, as the ice turns red with his blood.
Photograph: PR
Ten best: Kill Bill
Pai Mei
Kill Bill (2003-4)
Pai Mei (Gordon Liu), with his diet of rice and fish heads, is said to be more than 1,000 years old. Distinguished by his snow-white topknot and the wispiest of goatees, he is a master of bak mei kung fu, and his signature moves are the three-inch punch and the five-point palm-exploding heart technique. The latter – which he used to dispatch 60 monks in a Shaolin temple back in 1003 – is a closely guarded secret, but eventually he reveals it to his final pupil, Beatrix (Uma Thurman). It ends up being rather handy in her quest to enact the movie’s title.
Photograph: Public Domain
 

Leave a Comment

Required fields are marked *

*

*