Will we ever stop returning to The Fast and the Furious, the money-shitting broom-broom franchise where the interpersonal relationships can only be described as a total car crash?
Certainly not if second-string star Tyrese Gibson has anything to do with it. Tyrese, who plays Roman Pearce in the movies, has issued another Instagram broadside at The Rock, who he believes has goaded him into action by signing up for a Fast spin-off movie which will delay production on Fast 9. That wasn’t the start of it all, of course – if I recall correctly, the cast divisions burst into the open last year when The Rock (real name Dwayne Johnson) himself issued some veiled takedown of the “candy asses” among his co-stars. The candy ass in question was strongly rumoured to be Vin Diesel – while Tyrese distanced himself from the candy-assery by posting a video of The Rock singing to his daughter. Since then, alas, things between the latter two stars have soured, though documenting all the social media interactions would obviously be a process akin to anatomising the French Wars of Religion.
Let’s just agree we are where we are, which is a place where Tyrese has this week unleashed another emotional Instagram tirade about The Rock, whom he sees as holding up his Fast 9 payday with this disloyal spin-off. Among much, much else, Tyrese’s posts include some pointed comments about going to the gym to “get big naturally #NoJuice #NoOJ”. Though perhaps we’d better not get too bogged down in all that. The main takeout is a fairly stark final offer: “I’m sorry to announce that if Dwayne is in Fast9 there will be no more Roman Pearce.”
Yikes. I don’t know a whole lot about negotiation theory, but suspect that if you’re issuing an “it’s me or The Rock” ultimatum, you are not so much bringing a knife to a gunfight as showing up unarmed and wearing a target costume to it. We must wish Tyrese all the best with the tactic, at the same time as preparing ourselves for the remote possibility that the producers will – after due and deep consideration – decide to go for Earth’s most bankable actor instead.
