Has there ever been a period in history where it has been harder to orgasm with wild abandon? Four months on, sex during “the new normal” is laced with anxiety. But don’t worry, we the hosts of BBC Asian Network’s Brown Girls Do it Too – which won podcast of the year at the British podcast awards last month – have got your back. In the absence of physical touch, depictions of love on film and TV are a good way to get the juices flowing. So we’ve binged box sets and films to seek out the best sex scenes in fiction to remind us of a time when touching other humans freely was not illegal. Whether you like your on-screen sex scenes graphic or glossy, there are valuable lessons to be learned ...
DO get naked. All. The. Time
Normal People, episode two
The second episode of the hit series adapted from Sally Rooney’s book about first love has no less than four sex scenes in 28 minutes. That’s a lot of bang for your buck. Lead characters Marianne and Connell go from first-time awkward movements in his childhood bedroom to a full-on car sex montage steaming up the windows Titanic-style. Overall, the most enjoyable scene has to be the depiction of their first time together: as they take off each other’s clothes and embrace their naked bodies, it’s tender, sexy as hell, and a wonderful example of enthusiastic consent. Losing your virginity never looked so good.
DON’T get handsy with a priest
White Lines, series one, episode two
This show provided a lot of solace for those who had their holidays cancelled this year: set in Ibiza, there are lots of drugs, lots of parties and, of course, lots of shagging. The sex scenes across the series are played for laughs, from drug-fuelled orgies with good masks (more Venetian, less corona) to one character’s 48-hour sex binge after eating lasagne with an Ibizan club bouncer. An overlooked sexy scene is where milf Conchita gives a hand job to a priest in exchange for him confirming that her husband is mentally ill and can no longer run the family business. The way Conchita rolls her eyes while doing the dirty confirms no enjoyment was had. The result is a guilty priest and some digits that need more than a splash of antibacterial gel.
DO have sex while on your period …
I May Destroy You, episode three
… and don’t get with anyone who has a problem with it. Queen Michaela Coel gifted us the most amazing story we’ll witness this year: from the familiar drug-taking scenes to flawed characters we connect with, this series is close to perfection. One moment that had us screaming from our sofas was the discovery of a blood clot between Arabella’s legs during some intimate time with the handsome but problematic Biagio. We were delighted to see sex on your period being normalised and, despite Arabella’s embarrassment, it was a victory for all the bleeders out there. This scene was frank and funny and reminded us all that real sex involves … some other bits. So pop a towel down and enjoy yourself.
DON’T stick to your first position
Insecure, series four, episode one
As if you weren’t already horny in lockdown, this series boasts the sexiest scenes you’re ever likely to see, with beautiful people in sun-drenched LA. Series four kicks off with lead character Issa getting it done with Calvin, AKA the “TSA Bae”, played by comedian Reggie Conquest. Praise be for the alternative depiction of a male body, proving that size doesn’t really matter. Carl and Issa have some awkward fumbles to start with, but when they readjust positions the rhythm works its magic. It brilliantly captures that moment in sex when it isn’t working for one of you, but with the help of some clear communication and good old reliable missionary, excellent results can be achieved for all.
DO dress as a sexy nun
Euphoria, series one, episode six
Killer soundtrack, beautiful teenagers and cinematic lighting: this brilliant series is cut like a music video and feels like an acid trip. In episode six, Barbie Ferreira’s character Kat embraces her full figure and rocks up to a Halloween party as a hot nun. This is a pivotal moment for her as she begins to experiment with kink and costume, and love interest Ethan plucks up the courage to whisk her up to the bathroom at a house party. Intense snogging followed by a healthy amount of oral ensues, with Kat climaxing. It’s hot, quick and exactly the relief one needs during adolescence. Always remember: anyone who doesn’t go down on you is not worth your time. Top marks for excellent costumes and a memorable finish.
DON’T be afraid of showing Asian bodies in a sexual way
Never Have I Ever, the whole damn series
Every British Asian was so psyched to see this mainstream high school romedy following the life of American Indian kid Devi. But, despite lots of talk about sexual fantasies and even a wet dream, there’s never anything hot and heavy, which was frankly disappointing. No disrespect to creator Mindy Kaling, but we would have loved some brown-on-brown bumping. It made us relive hours spent in front of Bollywood films being tantalised by a full figure in a sari but never seeing even a kiss. There is kissing in Never Have I Ever, but nothing sexy happens. Even hot cousin Kamala doesn’t get naked with dorky secret boyfriend Steve. This series is one of the many reasons we talk so graphically in our podcast – we want brown bodies to be seen as sexy.
DO wear protection (including for your face)
Sex and the City, series two, episode 16
In possibly one of the most memorable “sex” scenes in the show, Charlotte signs the girls up to a tantric sex class after a man she has sex with falls asleep in the act (don’t sleep while shagging, it’s poor manners). The instructor invites her middle-aged husband into the living room to participate in said class, whereupon she performs what we can only imagine is some sort of “milking” massage on his dangly bits. The girls are giggling away, Charlotte is hooked, and then ... bang. Priceless. So always remember: when going to a tantric sex workshop with your friends, wear a face covering of some kind.
DON’T have sex in the corridor
Unfaithful (Adrian Lyne, 2002)
Ah, the age-old tale of a bored housewife having an affair with a super-hot (in this case French) man. But then we get to the horny-AF-rip-your-clothes-off-can’t-wait-for-the-bedroom-sexfest in the corridor outside your friend’s apartment. Let’s think with our brains rather than our genital parts shall we? 1) You are more likely to get caught by a neighbour, in which case you can kiss that amazing rent-control loft goodbye; 2) You lose your friendship with the owner of said flat; and 3) (spoiler alert) Diane Lane’s violent husband is about a block away from snow-globing you to death. So, really, the lesson in affairs is: stick to the bed, people! There is too much at stake.
BBC Asian Network’s Brown Girls Do It Too is available on BBC Sounds
