Everybody wants to be a Barbie. But who wants to be a Ken? Barbie’s on/off boyfriend has happily remained in the background since 1961, with Barbie hogging the spotlight and glory. He is there to support Barbie, listen to her laugh and cry. But he has clearly drifted into the dreaded “friend zone” and, with a lack of plastic packed down his pants, there is no chance of upgrading their relationship to that of friends with benefits. Imagine the frustration!

Even the Ken from the forthcoming Barbie film, played by Ryan Gosling, seems dutifully aware of his role in life: making Margot Robbie’s Barbie look good, with no rewards, physical or otherwise. The movie’s tagline: “She’s everything. He’s just Ken,” has spawned memes on everyone from Princess Diana and Prince Charles to Padmé Amidala and Anakin Skywalker. The insinuation is: for every alpha Barbie, there is a beta Ken behind them, and even Ken knows it. As he says in the trailer: “I just don’t know who I am without you.” “You’re Ken,” Barbie replies. “But it’s Barbie and Ken. There is no just Ken.”

The Barbie movie will drive strong female leads and Barbiecore fashion. But will the world’s biggest Kencore summer and Ken’s nice guy Ken-ergy also lead to a summertime of plastic celibacy? Surely there is something we can do to help the poor guy out?

8am: Ken therapy

If I am going to help Ken upgrade his PR image, I need to think like Ken, dress like Ken, become Ken. So, who is Ken? What makes him tick? For some Ken-ucation, I chat to Dr Lori Verderame, a professional antique appraiser with a PhD in art history and an expert knowledge of all things Ken and Barbie.

“Barbie was introduced by Mattel at the New York Toy Fair in 1959,” says Verderame via Zoom from Pennsylvania. “Barbie was created by the American businesswoman Ruth Handler, who saw the mass-market appeal of a similar German doll called Bild Lili, and named her Barbie after her daughter. In 1961, Mattel decided Barbie needed a male companion, so introduced Kenneth Sean Carson, named after Ruth Handler’s son.” Kenneth! “When it’s important for Barbie to have a boyfriend, he’s there. If not, he fades into the background.”

So what of the Barbie and Ken dolls that Verderame values? Does the “She’s everything. He’s just Ken” mantle apply? Seems so. “Barbies run into the several thousands of dollars. Kens rarely sell for more than $1,000.” Already, I feel devalued as a Ken.

Ken confidence: one out of five Kens

9am: pre-date nerves

To bench-test my Ken-ability, I am going to need a Barbie. So I have arranged a date with a real-life Barbie lookalike. But my nerves are getting the better of me.

“If you are nervous, say you are nervous,” says Karen Mooney, who runs the high-class introduction agency Sara Eden, and has kindly agreed to give me some much-needed dating advice. “People can give the wrong first impression because they are nervous. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. You want to be smart. Barbie cares about her appearance and wears beautiful clothes. Ken needs to as well.”

This I can do, as I am armed with a suitcase full of Ken-clobber, ready to mix and match with whatever my Barbie may be wearing.

“Ken needs to make Barbie laugh,” Mooney continues. She will do when she sees me in my ludicrous Ken outfits. “A shared interest or activity can break the ice.” Surely, dressed in my best Ken dinner jacket, I can find something in common with Barbie?

Ken confidence: two Kens

10am: Barbie’s house

My date is Rachel Evans, who has been a professional Barbie lookalike since her mid-30s and has featured on Channel 4’s First Dates, BBC1’s Hooked On The Look and Channel 5’s Plastic Surgery Nightmares.

Turns out we couldn’t have more in common. Evans can’t contain her excitement over the trailer for the Barbie movie, having Googled every “10 hidden details” list possible. I watched it for the first time yesterday.

“Ken has always been an accessory to Barbie’s lifestyle,” says Evans. “He is Barbie’s biggest cheerleader, and I think that’ll come across in the movie. Ken is the dream guy. He’s Barbie’s best friend and her biggest support, emotionally.”

Perhaps Evans can describe what on earth is going on in the trailer, because, frankly, I haven’t got a Kenneth.

“Barbie is expelled from Barbieland for being less than perfect, so she and Ken have to see what it’s like to live as real people,” Evans says. “As a real-life Barbie look-alike, I’m laughing my socks off because people constantly ask: ‘What’s it like being a human Barbie?’ It’s all about the personality and not just the way you look.”

Evans seems delighted at our photoshoot – even if it is just me. “I’ve always wanted to shoot with a Ken. Now I’ve found one.” As we jump into the car, my Ken confidence reaches a new high.

Ken confidence: four Kens

10:30am: off to the seaside

Barbie has kindly offered to drive. Disappointingly, she doesn’t own a bright pink Chevrolet, like in the movie. But her gold Nissan Micra is Barbie enough for me. Sadly, Ken’s map-reading skills are more than airhead. We miss our exit and drive the wrong way around the M25 for ages. It doesn’t matter, because we’re too busy chatting, and chalk it down to a “typical Barbie moment”. Hooray! A shared experience, and it’s not even lunchtime.

It is great to learn more about Evans. (“Show an interest in her as a person,” my mentor Mooney advises. “Find out about her, the things she likes doing. But don’t make it an interview!”)

“I’m just happy as Barbie,” says Evans. “The narrative is not: I’m on the search for Ken. I’m hoping Ken’s going to find me.”

What makes her perfect Ken, I wonder?

“I used to say: he’s got to look plastic, fantastic and look after his face and body.” Oh dear. “I’ve changed that.” Phew. “He doesn’t need to have a six-pack.” Check. “But he needs to live a happy, healthy lifestyle. He needs to have the mindset of a Ken, an innocent outlook on life. I believe there’s a Ken out there, but it’s all about having a good heart, [being] the Ken version of Barbie. And, obviously, heterosexual.” Think I can check most of those off my Ken-list. Hurrah!

Ken confidence: four Kens

1pm: photoshoot

We park up at the seafront and head into the fairground to meet Sarah, our photographer, to debut the first outfits – all pink Margot Robbie cowboy Barbie and all black Ryan Gosling cowboy Ken. I try to remember my tips from Mooney (carry bags, open doors and try to make her laugh). “Life’s too short not to laugh together,” says Mooney. “When you’re old and grey, your looks might fade. But you still have to have fun. Fun is important in a good relationship.”

Sarah bellows her instructions. “More vacant. No, too vacant!” “More camp. No, too camp!” Barbie is a natural at posing for the camera. My Ken-poses, less so. The costume changes soon fly.

My Ken confidence inflates when fairground operations director James, who is also standing at the local elections, wrongly assumes I’m a professional Ken. I reveal I’m a lowly journalist with a death wish for looking ridiculous. There is no faking my nerves as inline skating Ken clings on to Barbie for dear life. The 16-year-old skateboarding me dies with shame. I wonder if topless mermaid Ken is a step too far, but go with it anyway.

Ken confidence: five Kens

4pm: it’s a wrap

After an afternoon shooting as Barbie and Ken, I’m beginning to match Evans’ excitement for the Barbie movie, and wonder what it will mean for Ken.

“I doubt Ken will be the main protagonist,” Verderame tells me. “Ken as the saviour would go against everything Barbie has stood for in postwar American culture. Barbie came out of the tween years, following the second world war. For the first time, tweens were just hanging out. We’re about to celebrate the 50-year anniversary of the women’s movement. Barbie represents that as well.”

These days, it’s not all thin blond Barbies and muscular, brunette Kens. Barbie and Ken are inclusive of all body shapes, cultures, skin tones and genders. Which is good to know because, looking at me, there is one obvious thing that distracts from the usual Ken. That’s right: I’m not very thin.

“The hair changed first, with Jackie Kennedy’s bubble cut hairdos in the early 1960s,” says Verderame. “By the 80s and 90s, you started to see African American and other ethnicity Barbies and Kens, with different professions. It was the idea of teaching girls you can become anything, from a secretary to an astronaut.” Ken, meanwhile, has worked as everything from a dentist, lifeguard, nurse and Olympic figure skater.

Ken confidence: Still five Kens

7pm: one last outfit

After fish-and-chips on the seafront, we drive back to Barbie’s with our heads full of our fun day out. How does Barbie rate her date with Ken? Could we be rewriting Barbie and Ken history?

“Ken might be Barbie’s boyfriend, but he will never be Barbie’s life partner,” says Evans. “They have to keep it like that for the kids’ market. They can’t pin down what Ken and Barbie might actually do together, because kids don’t think like that. Mattel is very clever. It knows its market.” The film nods to Barbie and Ken’s asexual relationship. “I might stay over tonight,” says Ken. “Why?” says Barbie. “Because we’re girlfriend and boyfriend.” “To do what?” “I’m actually not sure.”

Evans is a big fan of the newfound inclusivity of Barbie and Ken. “Barbie and Ken represent everybody and everything,” she says. So, for the sake of all things Ken-clusive, there is one more thing I should try.

Turns out, it’s fabulous being Ken. But it’s even more fabulous being Barbie. It’s just … the hair! The … tight leather! The … pink! We’ll always love Ken. But Barbie is the star of the show. Everyone should embrace and cherish their inner Barbie and Ken, whichever you feel closest to.

Barbie confidence: five Barbies

Thanks to Adventure Island, Southend-on-Sea

Rachel Evans and Shaan Angel’s new single, Party Time is out now. Barbie is released in UK cinemas on 21 July.