Name: Glicked and Gladdington.

Age: Extremely new.

Appearance: The future of cinema.

Are these new films coming out soon? They are and they aren’t. Let me help you out: they are portmanteau titles.

I can already see where this is going and I don’t like it. Remember Barbenheimer, when Barbie came out in cinemas on the same day as Oppenheimer? Goodness, that was fun, wasn’t it? You remember?

I remember. And for some reason people had trenchant views on which film they preferred, even though they were just products that happened to exist within a marketplace at the same time.

Yes, it was gruelling. But then people decided to go and see Barbie and Oppenheimer one after the other, as a sort of tonally jarring double bill, and both films ended up making even more money than expected. Remember?

I’ve said I remember! Well, if you liked Barbenheimer, you’re ready for Gladdington.

Presumably a double bill between Gladiator II and Paddington in Peru, which are in cinemas at the same time? Exactly. Similarly you have Glicked, a double bill of Gladiator II and Wicked.

Are Glicked or Gladdington real things that have managed to saturate the culture organically like Barbenheimer did last year? Well, not in quite the same way. But it’s still early days.

So it’s just a way to convince people to see twice as many films as they wanted? Fine, that’s probably it. But, look, cinemas are hurting at the moment. People just don’t go out to see films in the numbers they used to and if a gimmick like this gets people through the door, what’s wrong with that?

Hang on a minute, didn’t we cover Saw Patrol last year? The act of going to see Saw X and Paw Patrol: The Mighty Movie one after another, purely because they were released on the same date?

Yes, did it work? Well, no. But Saw Patrol as a concept was stupid and opportunistic. Glicked on the other hand, is not.

I’ll take your word for it. Go on then, while we’re here you may as well tell me what the next double bill might be. Next month, Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and Mufasa: The Lion King are released on the same weekend. How about a double bill called Mufnic: The Hedge King? No? You’re right, I’ll go away now.

Do say: “Barbenheimer worked because it was organic; these new cinematic portmanteaus are too forced.”

Don’t say: “Hey, I did Saw Patrol. My kids hated it.”