It's rare for a news story to make David Beckham sound clever, but some make him sound more stupid than others. So, there was this rumour he and Angelina Jolie were going to make a steamy ad for Emporio Armani undercrackers. "I definitely don't think that's true," he said, sounding strangely uncertain, as if his agent sometimes sent him out on a job without telling him. "At the end of the day, I wouldn't do it because I'm married."

Gah! Posh is going to be so cross with you, you fool! And with reason, since this excuse basically means: "Jolie is so hot that, were she to remove her clothes in my presence, my vows would evaporate like the hot hissing steam of our incredible chemistry. Nothing could stop us. It is better for all the spouses and many, many children concerned that we continue to advertise underwear with our regular partners."

Better excuses if he wishes to avoid marital conflict in the future: I have dislocated my six-pack and have to get an extra pack inserted before I get naked again; I met ­ Angelina at the premiere of A Mighty Heart, and we argued about prospects for the Middle East; Armani pants give me jock itch.