Charlotte Amelia Poe, a self-taught writer and artist from Suffolk, has been awarded the inaugural Spectrum art prize for a video piece entitled How to Be Autistic. The winner of the new award, which was set up to celebrate artists on the autistic spectrum, was announced at a ceremony at the Saatchi Gallery.
Shot in a single grainy black-and-white take, with rough unprocessed sound, it sees the artist seated against the black railings of a bed, a pillow on her knees, and cryingwhile she talks about being autistic in the second person.
“You will be told you are a troublemaker,” the voiceover starts. “That the thing you can’t put into words yet, that divorces you from everyone else, is responsible for the way the other kids pick on you, and you really must try harder to fit in.”
Lasting just under six minutes, it is a confession of remarkable rawness and heft. “It’s something I’ve wanted to say for a long time: ‘This is my life, this is what it’s been like’,” she says.
Born in 1989, Poe was diagnosed with autism at 21, and sees the neurodivergent condition as an integral part of her identity. “It’s not something I can turn off. It’s everything that I am,” she says. Which makes listening to phrases in her film such as, “Nobody will ever tell you what is wrong with you, just that you are wrong,” so powerful. .
Turner prize-winner Mark Wallinger, one of the award’s judges, describes her film as unforgettable: “The most explicit expression of having that condition. I have never heard it quite articulated like that.”
“There are no how-to manuals on how to be autistic,” says Poe. “And no one [who isn’t] can fully comprehend what it’s like to live in a world that is so completely not suited to [those who are].”
The piece is not introspective, says Poe, but is reaching outwards, in an attempt not just to communicate her own experiences but to make a difference for anyone going through something similar. “I felt alone for so long. This prize had made me realise that I am not alone, that there are other people listening.”
Poe started vlogging on YouTube in her mid-teens, and went on to self-publish several volumes of prose and poetry on Amazon. She speaks of the internet as being a safe haven for people on the spectrum, fostering communities and building communication. Her spoken-word piece to camera was inspired by prolific feminist writer and YouTuber Savannah Brown, whose award-winning self-published collection of poetry saw her shortlisted for the Goodreads Choice award 2016 and land a book deal with Penguin Random House.
With the support of Spectrum – the south-west’s leading charity for autism services – Poe plans to write a book that expands on the text of the film, as a resource not just for people with autism, but all those who fall through societal cracks. She lists everyone from people of colour, women and girls to LGBT individuals, those who suffer from other mental illnesses or living in deprived areas where the services just aren’t there or have been shut down.
Getting the award, and the £10,000 it brings, is obviously life-changing, but so was the lead-up to the prize. “My life had been completely stagnant and predictable, very little change from day to day. I have anxiety and depression, and it had gone into overdrive,” she says. “And then I got the email that said I’d been shortlisted. It was like real life finally kicked in, and I had to leave the house and start making plans and talking to people. It was a huge motivator, and I’ve already achieved so much more than I thought I could.”
