Name: Han Solo.

Age: Born in 32 BBY (Before the Battle of Yavin).

Appearance: Like a young Harrison Ford, then an old Harrison Ford, then a young Alden Ehrenreich.

Who is he? He’s a smuggler who went on to become an influential leader in the Alliance.

What Alliance? The Alliance to Restore The Republic.

My history is a little fuzzy. What country are we talking about? Although Solo hails from Corellia, we’ve known little else about his true origins. Until now.

And what can you tell me about his true origins now? They’re not very good, apparently.

I don’t understand. The New York Times called it “a curiously low-stakes blockbuster, in effect a filmed Wikipedia page”.

Are we talking about a film? Yes. Solo: A Star Wars Story, which just opened to lukewarm reviews, and soft box-office numbers.

I don’t watch Star Wars movies. You must have seen at least one of them.

I saw the one where the gorilla and the man saved the lady with the doughnut hair. That’s the first one. Or the fourth one.

Don’t confuse me. Anyway, Han Solo, the gorilla’s friend, has had his mysterious backstory fleshed out in a new stand-alone prequel, starring Ehrenreich and directed by Ron Howard.

And it’s not faring well? It took just $103m (£78m) in its opening weekend in North America, and another $65m internationally.

That sounds a lot to me. Not for a Star Wars film, it isn’t. And this one cost as much as $300m to make.

What was wrong with it, exactly? Maybe nothing – it might be a simple case of Star Wars fatigue. Disney has really milked the franchise since it bought Lucasfilm in 2012. The Last Jedi came out only five months ago.

I’ve had Star Wars fatigue for 40 years. It’s also possible this film plays it too safe with Solo. The story of his early life, from his first meeting with the Wookiee Chewbacca to his acquisition of the Millennium Falcon, doesn’t veer far from the canon.

The canon? The commonly accepted history of the Star Wars saga. Comic books and novels have mined Han Solo’s past more adventurously, but they are now considered non-canon.

I wish I didn’t know that. Sorry.

Do say: “Really enjoyed Solo – I had a whole row to myself in the cinema!”

Don’t say: “Hey Disney! I’ve got an idea for a film about the childhood of Jar Jar Binks.”