The Oscars – winner!

Academy organisers promised a short and snappy ceremony – and the rest of us rolled our eyes. Don’t they do that every year? Well this time they meant it, delivering a ceremony that felt tightly scripted when needed, but enjoyably loose when there was capacity for it. The result was the most watchable Oscars in years, full of mischief and frivolity – John Cena streaking, I’m Just Ken – but never undercutting moments of real weight either. It helped that the big names turned up, by and large – where were you, Wes Anderson? You just won your first Oscar! – and most of them seemed incredibly game to boot. At last the Oscars feels like, well, the Oscars again.

Lily Gladstone – loser!

It’s become something of a trademark for a Martin Scorsese film to enter the Oscars with a raft of nominations and then leave with no wins. The Irishman, Gangs of New York, Taxi Driver and The Wolf of Wall Street have 29 nods between them but not a single win. From most precursors it was looking like Killers of the Flower Moon would follow but a win for Lily Gladstone seemed like a sure thing, the actor becoming one of the biggest, and most visible, stars of this awards season. Her nomination in itself was historic but a win wasn’t to be with Emma Stone pulling a last-minute surprise and Gladstone, and her film, leaving with nothing. It was the only real shock in a night that mostly played it safe.

Baftas – winner!

Last year, the Baftas and the Oscars felt like they could have been from different years entirely. In London, Cate Blanchett and Austin Butler won the main acting awards; All Quiet on the Western Front swept the board. Two weeks later, in Hollywood, Michelle Yeoh, Brendan Fraser and Everything Everywhere All at Once took the honours. In 2024, the awards were in total lockstep, other than visual effects (Godzilla at the Oscars, Poor Things at the Baftas). Everyone expects the Brits to rule supreme on their own territory. But we never expected them to do so 6,000 miles from home.

Brits – winner!

It may only have been seven of the 23 categories in which Brits triumphed (plus Cillian Murphy, who is Irish), but something about the tone of the night made it feel yet more. And that thing was an irreverence that bordered on the shambling. Lots of winners shouted out to family, friends and co-workers in the nosebleed seats, receiving vaguely raucous yells back.

There was a low-key tenor to a lot of the speechery, in marked contrast with the weepier Hollywood offerings. There was modesty. There were wobbles. There was a sense of jetlag. Poor Things’ Nadia Stacey thanked “Caroline at home”. We all have a Caroline at home.

Autumn awards season – loser!

It used to be so simple: release your prestige drama at some point between September and December and you had a pretty solid chance of nabbing best picture. But in recent years, that prime real estate has turned distinctly sub-prime. Four of the last five best picture winners premiered long before the autumn: Oppenheimer was released in July last year, Everything Everywhere All At Once debuted at SXSW in March 2022, Coda made its bow at Sundance in January of 2021 and Parasite premiered at Cannes in May 2019. And looking ahead to next year’s Oscars, one of the expected frontrunners, Dune Part 2, has already been released – and we’re only in March. Will this prompt a release rethink from studios? And what might that mean for the fall festivals (Venice, Toronto, Telluride), who must surely be looking over their shoulders?

Mother’s Day – winner!

If nothing else, the Oscars this year served as a handy public service announcement that Mother’s Day in the UK is celebrated a few months earlier than in the US (fourth Sunday of Lent). Multiple British winners cheerfully shouted out the celebration, and their mums, during their speeches, including Sean Ono Lennon and The Zone of Interest’s sound designers, Johnnie Burn and Tarn Willers. Picking up her award a little later, costume designer Holly Waddington thanked “Andrew, who looks after the children so I can work”. Irony was of course that by the time most of the Oscars aired in the UK, it was the small hours of the Monday after Mother’s Day. Still – it’s the thought that counts.

Barbie – loser winner!

“Well, the way this award season’s turned out, it wasn’t that much of a rivalry,” Emily Blunt told Ryan Gosling onstage, the pair making what might be the last ever Barbenheimer joke we’ll hear while sneakily promoting their new film The Fall Guy. But while Oppenheimer won all the awards, it was Barbie that won everyone’s hearts (and one Oscar, for Billie Eilish). Gosling’s performance of I’m Just Ken from Barbie was always going to be a highlight but the sheer panache of the whole spectacle – an homage to Gentlemen Prefer Blondes featuring a surprise appearance from Slash for a wailing guitar solo – seemed to delight even the most jaded in the audience.

Twins 2 – winner!

Judging by the ecstatic reaction to the Arnold Schwarzenegger/Danny DeVito reunion – plus lovely deadpan villainry from Michael Keaton – the chances of a very belated sequel to much-loved 1988 comedy Twins just leapt up. Triplets had been in the works (with Eddie Murphy added to the fraternity), but the death in 2022 of director Ivan Reitman seemed to mean the project was squashed. “Jason Reitman literally stopped the project when his father died,” Schwarzenegger told the Hollywood Reporter last year. “His father wanted to do it really badly. I wanted to do it really badly. Danny DeVito wanted to do it really badly. We had the financing. When his father passed away, Jason says, ‘I never liked the idea’ and put a hold on it. I’m developing another movie with Danny; he’s so much fun to work with and so talented.” Look out for Twins 2 in a cinema near you in summer 2026.

Jimmy Kimmel – winner!

After a few too many years of showing a little too much disdain for the Oscars, complaining about the films, the ceremony and the extremely well-paid hosting gig he chose to take, Kimmel found a more agreeable tone tonight, celebrating while also prodding and, for once, making us laugh as well. His monologue was snappier than usual, his once-desperate attempts to make a viral moment were fewer than before and his show of support for below-the-line workers made for a rousing, well-timed reason to cheer. He also found time to enrage and then ridicule Donald Trump, which is of course never a bad thing.

Al Pacino – loser!

It didn’t top Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty’s La La Land fiasco of 2017, but Al Pacino’s half-hearted delivery of the best picture winner was stressful enough to kill at least a few live television producers. “Best picture … uh, I have to go to the envelope for that. And I will. Here it comes. And my eyes see Oppenheimer?” the Pacino said, his questioning tone leaving everyone to figure out if he could really see Oppenheimer written in that envelope, or if he was just about to start telling a really weird anecdote. “Yes, yes!” he clarified, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

John Cena’s envelope – winner!

We’re overdue for an Oscar category that honours an inanimate object because this year, it would be a landslide for the comically large envelope that John Cena held over his genitals on Sunday night. The wrestler turned actor had the Oscars audience – and viewers – laughing out loud (really!) when he appeared on stage seemingly stark naked, oversized muscles bulging, bashfully covering his manhood. Cena and Kimmel’s bit about Cena streaking across stage was a lovely dose of silliness that didn’t feel as contrived as some of these awards show bits can be. It was whimsical and fun in the same way it is to watch a dog walk on its hind legs.

Streamers – losers!

It was a no good night for the streamers, with Netflix picking up just one win (for Wes Anderson’s Roald Dahl short) and Apple winning nothing at all, Killers of the Flower Moon coming away empty-handed. Combined the two companies had 32 nods going in but the night belonged to the studios, with Universal and Disney winning the big ones, and the indie upstarts, including A24 and Neon, coming up behind. A best picture win evades Netflix and looks like it might still for the near future.

Bradley Cooper – winner! Really!

If 90% of success is just showing up, then Bradley Cooper simply has to be in the winners portion of this list. Because no one has done more of that than Maestro’s director-star. Few nominees put in more hours in pursuit of Oscar gold than Coops – and this for a film that was considered doomed for most of awards season and that much of the internet intensely hated. He even rocked up on sitcom Abbott Elementary, which aired immediately after the Oscars, to get the last word in. Imagine what Cooper will do with a film that people actually enjoy?

Robert De Niro – almost a winner!

He never had a shot at the best supporting actor statue, but a fumble by Tim Robbins when splurging out praise for the Killers of the Flower Moon star appeared to actively announce him as the victor. Robbins was abashed; DeNiro cheerful – certainly more so than after Kimmel’s crack about how when he and Jodie Foster shot Taxi Driver she was too young to be his daughter but is now too old to be his girlfriend. Still, compared to longtime compadre Al Pacino, DeNiro certainly emerges from this year’s Oscars a relative winner, even if Robbins was wrong.

Donald Trump – loser!

He just couldn’t resist, could he? We were so close to having a blissfully Trump-free Oscars – no one made any laboured speeches about the end of democracy, small hands, and so forth. But then from the bowels of Truth Social came a post. “Has there EVER been a WORSE HOST than Jimmy Kimmel at The Oscars” (incoherent CAPS and lack of question mark model’s own). And, due to the zippy runtime of this year’s ceremony, Kimmel had a spare minute to respond with way more brevity and punch than the former president. “Isn’t it past your jail time?” was all he needed.

First-timers – winners!

While one of the night’s big awards might have been taken home by someone who had only recently just won in the same category, much to her and our surprise, the ceremony was dominated by first-timers. There were Cord Jefferson and Justine Triet winning for adapted and original screenplay, three-time nominee Robert Downey Jr and Da’Vine Joy Randolph for supporting actor and actress, Cillian Murphy for actor, Christopher Nolan for director and Jonathan Glazer for international feature. The grand Oppenheimer sweep might have given the end-note a feeling of the old but it was an exciting night for the new.

Louis Vuitton’s zips – loser!

Few things make moments more memorable than a sartorial slip-up and Emma Stone’s broken frock while accepting her Oscar for best actress for her role in Poor Things is no exception. The star wore a custom strapless gown by Louis Vuitton on Sunday that seemingly got through most of the show – until Ryan Gosling’s performance of I’m Just Ken. Clearly, Gosling’s seam-busting moves had such an impact on Stone, who said she’s “pretty sure” her dress zipper broke in the midst of the song. Gosling as a peplum popper: 1. Stone accepting her award with an undamaged gown? 0.

Godzilla – winner!

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the night was when Godzilla Minus One won the Oscar for best visual effects, beating big-budget films Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 and Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning to show that you can make what looks like a $200m film on a $15m budget. The delighted Japanese team – Takashi Yamazaki, Kiyoko Shibuya, Masaki Takahashi and Tatsuji Nojima – traipsed onstage in their special matching Godzilla claw shoes, before Yamazaki handed over his Godzilla toy to deliver a moving speech. “My career began 40 years ago after the shock of seeing Star Wars and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. To someone so far from Hollywood, the possibility of standing on this stage seemed out of reach. And the moment we were nominated, we felt like Rocky Balboa,” he said.

Josh Hartnett fans – winners!

While Josh Hartnett’s Hollywood renaissance is primarily a gift to millennials, it’s one we can all enjoy. His recent appearance in Oppenheimer brought him to the Oscars stage on Sunday, helping to accept the award for best picture, and fans rejoiced at the sight. The hope of seeing Hartnett at even more award shows in the future is a glorious victory.

Spielberg’s odds of bagging an acting Oscar – winner!

Move over Martin Scorsese: there’s a new veteran director currently killing it in front of the cameras. Steven Spielberg’s reaction shots over the course of the evening demonstrate that he, too, could wipe the floor with many of the performers in his employ. First there was the wafer-dry nod when the camera cut to him after Kimmel said: “This is what the kid from The Fabelmans looks like now.” And later some absolutely beautiful looks to camera as it apparently emerged he was the recipient of Kate McKinnon’s tasteful nudes.

Field of Dreams – winner!

Watch out, Kimmel: John Mulaney is coming for your job and he will possibly do it better than you. Mulaney’s 90 seconds onstage were an incredible audition – using the best sound design category to launch into a perfect ramble about the 1989 Kevin Costner vehicle Field of Dreams, ending with: “I guess there’s a rule in ghost baseball, that if you leave the field at any point to become an elderly ghost and do the Heimlich manoeuvre, you can’t return to the field. I love Field of Dreams. That should win best picture! But they’ll probably go with one of this year’s.” It was silly. It was genuinely fun. It was everything they don’t usually like at the Oscars so maybe we will get Kimmel again next year.

Jonathan Glazer – winner!

Jonathan Glazer, a director who has made just four full-length films in the last 24 years, has never been someone visibly thirsting for an Oscar. Ben Kingsley might have sneaked a nomination for Sexy Beast and in a just world, both Nicole Kidman and Scarlett Johansson would have been in the best actress race for their roles in Birth and Under the Skin, but his films have never conformed in the way that voters prefer. Even when he chose to make a second world war film, arguably the easiest way to attract the Academy, he made one that was colder and harder than wehad ever experienced before, undeniably arresting but arguably closer to an art installation than a narrative film. Against all odds, a more artfully inclined voting body somehow approved and The Zone of Interest won both sound and international feature. It’s not something Glazer has campaigned for and clearly not something he’s driven by but it’s a long-deserved moment in the spotlight for someone who has always thrived in the dark.

Messi – winner! Matt Damon – loser!

Despite reports that Messi might miss the Oscars, the dog responsible for one of the most harrowing scenes in Anatomy of a Fall did indeed appear to show – and got his own seat and everything. “Messi has an overdose scene,” Kimmel quipped in his monologue. “I haven’t seen a French actor eat vomit like that since Gérard Depardieu.”

The Palm Dog winner was a crowd favourite last month too, becoming enamoured with Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper and Billie Eilish at the nominees luncheon. Jury’s still out on Matt Damon though.